OK, so I haven’t posted in a while. For that, I apologize. Wouldn’t you know it, I’ve managed to tie up my fiancée long enough for our wedding to actually be coming up in 2 weeks. As you might have guessed, this means that I’ve been a tad busy. I can’t tell you how many times in the last 5 weeks that I’ve laid out money for something to do with the wedding. Rose petals, favors, candy, solid gold babies. OK, I’m lying about the babies (they only had solid silver babies). There’s things to plan, things to make, things to buy, people to bribe… ahem… tip. Songs to pick, people to seat, family members to alienate.  It’s a big job!

When planning this event, there were certain things about this wedding that I was so sure of  I, in my wildest imagination couldn’t have fathomed a different outcome. I call these my “Incontrovertible Truths”. I will present them to you, heretofore.

1. I refuse to invite anyone that I don’t like.

2. My bachelor party will be a reunion of friends that I haven’t seen in years–and it will be awesome. Rivaling the movie “The Hangover”.

3. I will not get stressed about anything.

4. There will be no children at our wedding.

5. By the time the wedding rolls around, I will no longer be at this job that I detest. I will be doing something better with my life.

And now I present you with my “REALLY REALLY Incontrovertible Truths”. Basically, these are my originals as they actually happened.

1. Half the people coming to my wedding, I don’t like. Most of the people that I really wanted there, backed out on me. We’ve received several declinations, stating “We’re sorry, but we’ll be washing our hair that night”… I find it a little hard to believe that 32 people are washing their hair on the same night. Matter of fact, three of the aforementioned declinations are bald guys.

2. Instead of a reunion of friends, my bachelor party was held last Friday night, alone. It consisted of me singing Gloria Estefan songs in my underwear, while downing a bottle of Sake. I then went streaking down my street singing “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters. The police were very nice.

3. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

4. Not only are there going to be children at our wedding, they are mostly the children of people I don’t want at the wedding. I normally wouldn’t mind this; however, my 8 year old cousin gets pretty belligerent when he’s drunk.

5. I’m actually writing this post, at the aforementioned job. I’m currently working on some things to get me out of here, but unfortunately so far, no dice.

One thing that I do know, have known, and always will know (please excuse the upcoming corniness)… corny </ In two weeks, I’m going to marry the woman that I was destined to marry. I love her with my soul, and I couldn’t be happier to spend the rest of my life with her. /> corny

Thanks for reading, you crazy kids. Now, get off my lawn!

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