Hi! I'm Tara, and I cut myself!
I’ve never wanted to strangle someone, as much as I wanted to strangle the three phone operators that I spoke to from TD Bank yesterday. Allow me to give you some background.
You see, when you use TDBank Online, you’re given access to your previous 18 months worth of statements. Great, right? Sure, especially for someone like me who owns his own business. I need access to those statements to do my quarterly taxes, and such. So, yesterday I needed to print my statements for my quarterly taxes, when I noticed that my September through December 2009 statements weren’t in the drop down list. Naturally, I was perturbed. I needed these in about a half hour to give to my accountant. Being the intelligent fellow that I claim to be, I gave the ol’ ‘toll-free’ 888 number a ringy-ding-dingle. Apparently, toll-free now means intelligence-free–whoopie! First off, those stupid fucking automated menus make me want to shove a red-hot poker up my ass. But I digress, as that’s another topic entirely. When I finally get someone on the phone and explained the entire issue (along with my time constraint), I was politely told that this wasn’t customer service–this was the operator, who would connect me somewhere else. Well, why the fuck didn’t you stop me from explaining the entire situation?! I could have saved myself 10 goddamn minutes! At this point, my head started to hurt a little.
Next, I was given to customer service–oh boy. The lady from customer service was extremely nice. However, at this point I don’t give a shit if anyone is nice–I want someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing, and Phyllis sounded like she had just had a lobotomy. I calmly try to explain my predicament to her, and that I’d like October, November, and December statements E-mailed to me, so that I can print them out, and take them with my to my accountant’s office. Keep in mind, they have my fucking E-mail on file–I had not provided them with it. Phyllis then said something that will stick with me forever–”We can’t E-mail it to you, because we don’t know if you’re you.” …
Sorry, I just started crying a little bit. This is what our world has come to. I can’t get an E-mail sent to the address that they have on file for me, because it somehow might be re-routed to me, who may not be me. Jesus, my head really hurts now. Phyllis then told me that it’s possible to have it mailed to me, via USPS, and it would only take one day! Wow! One whole day?! That’s it! That’d be awesome, except for as I told her 4 times now, I NEED IT IN THE NEXT 20 MINUTES. Needless to say, Phyllis became a little upset with my demeanor, and transferred me over to the Online banking section of cubicles. She says it was because maybe they could do a better job helping me… I think it’s because Phyllis doesn’t like me anymore.
So, now I’m on the phone with Tara from Online Banking, and boy is she a delight! She starts the conversation by putting me on hold, and leaving me there for 5 minutes. She then (sounding like a depressed 15 year old), reiterated the mailing via USPS option that Phyllis had pitched. No go, Tara. No go. So, then she gives me a new option–I can have it faxed to a branch, and then go pick it up. Well hold my ankles, and call me submissive… that doesn’t fucking help either. Then I asked the magical question–”Can you fax it to a number that I give you?” Well, sure! They can do that! GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?! I then gave her a fax number (actually it’s a program that receives the fax, and transmits it to an E-mail which is sent to the address that they didn’t want to send it to, in the first place–so eat it bitches)., and she faxed over the statements.
I opened the E-mail only to find out… all of the statements are illegible.
Fuck you, TD Bank. Fuck you very much.
#1 by Sean on February 18, 2010 - 1:37 pm
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they couldn’t email you your statements to the email address that they have on file for you, but they could fax you a copy to a number that you provided over the phone? i bet that logic makes perfect sense in canada (where td financial is headquartered) .
#2 by Steve on February 18, 2010 - 7:58 pm
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Isn’t customer service great? I had a similarly frustrating experience last week. I had $400 worth of concert tickets that i bought for my dad’s birthday for a show last wednesday. You know, when there was a ridiculous snow storm and my entire state wasn’t allowed to be on the road. The show was in Red Bank NJ. I call the box office and am told that the artist is there and will perform. They tell me to leave early and drive slowly. I point out that I can’t do that because of a travel ban and point out that New Jersey has declared several state of emergency areas and has advised people not to travel. The person at the box office tells me again that the show will go on. I say it’s ridiculous. She takes my name and number and says someone from corporate will call me. I’ve yet to receive a call or any responses to the numerous emails I sent them.
#3 by Victor on February 18, 2010 - 8:10 pm
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@Steve- That’s fucking ridiculous. Especially because of the obviously unbelievable weather last week. The fact that they completely discounted that would’ve driven me crazy.
@Sean- Yea, TD Financial is great, eh.
#4 by BIll on February 18, 2010 - 11:44 pm
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You have to love bank customer service. I had a similar unsolvable situation when trying to get a letter that from Chase that would say that the loan on my car has be paid off and that the lien can be removed from the title.
Long very frustrating short, the year of the car was recorded incorrectly on chase’s paperwork. DMV would not like that and that’s a whole other deep dark hole of lost time and endless frustration.
Well no one in the chase office could make the change even though the vin number gives the model year (chase auto loan people can’t comprehend this idea that the vin number can actually tell you something). Customer service d-bag says that there is nothing he can do and no one he knows of there can fix my problem. I as him if he has a manager, which he does but they are never around. I ask if you can’t answer or assist a customer is there someone else that can. His response is no. After hearing this i am dumbfounded. How being to think how does one get someone who is useless to get me help? Ah-ha ask him if the person on the office next to his may be able to help!!! Well no luck again there is no one around he says. Hmmm? If i could reach through the phone at that moment it would have been great, no matter the consequences. Well i ask him if he feel ill and dies in his office how would anyone know? Some guy on the floor not a “manager” would find him he tells me. I ask to speak with that guy. Takes a good 15 minutes a waiting for them to pick up the phone and low and behold he must be wizard or have some super powers because he can make this change like its no trouble at all.
Now the kicker, the office that i called on the wonderful 1-800 number was only two miles away. If i had known before, i would be in jail typing this. Unless i got a sympathetic jury.