So, in a previous post, I commented on the Dallas Cowboys complaining that the Minnesota Vikings ran up the score on them at the end of a playoff victory. This lead to a firestorm of complaints from one of my six readers, about class. (Go to hell, Steve.) To me, this has nothing to do with class. It has to do with people being whiny babies. Too many people nowadays say “It’s not fair!”, “They shouldn’t have done that!”, blah, blah, blah… This is most readily apparent with people’s kids.
Everybody’s kid is special, apparently. Who knew? Everybody’s kid deserves a medal, or a trophy, or a ribbon. Give me a break. If your kid loses, he’s a loser. At least in that particular competition. I’m so tired of the kid who placed 12th in a competitive sport getting a medal. If you’re 12th–eleven other kids beat you. Yeah, you did your best. And, guess what? Your best was terrible. You have no reason to be proud. Especially, if there are only 12 kids in the competition. [jgkthgitlkg. <---- This is my fiancee being a douche.] I believe in the old standard of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. Outside of that, you get nothing. Telling kids that it’s OK to come in 12th is basically giving them free reign over the kingdom of mediocrity. And believe me, there are too many fucking people already vying for that particular crown.
Or how about team sports? I read a story last year about how a girls basketball coach was fired after his team won 100 to nothing. He offered no apologies for the victory. I just took a break from writing, stood up, and gave that man a standing ovation. HE HAS NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR. His team absolutely destroyed this other team. Good for them. The other team sucked, plain and simple. I’m sick of people demanding mediocrity when what I believe this country needs is hard work and winners. How the fuck are we going to regain our dominance on the world stage if our workforce is full of a bunch of underachieving babies. It’s not OK to be in 4th, or 8th, or 16th.
I’ve got news for you, parents. Your kid–yeah, the one in the corner eating crayons and picking his nose, is probably not the next Newton. He’s probably going to end up, at the most, a working stiff like the rest of us. Especially, if you keep worshiping the ground he walks on. Once your kid gets out into the real world, he’s gonna receive a swift kick in the head by the end-all be-all equalizer–reality. The only hope you have, you ridiculous human being, is to teach your kids from an early age that life isn’t always fair. This is the truth, however harsh it is. Now I’m not saying, tell your four year old that Santa’s not real. Do that, and you’re a fucking moron. What I’m saying is you need to teach your children about the world. We live in a sometimes unfortunate reality, and I’m sick of people trying to pretend that everything is hunky dory.
So tell little Jimmy to try harder next time. Because 7th place sucks.
In closing, I’d like to leave you with the words of two of our era’s greatest philosophers.
“Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home, and fuck the prom queen.” –John Patrick Mason , The Rock
“If you ain’t first, you’re last.” –Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights